Oh, the money you'll save!

Kids are expensive. We all know that. But what makes raising them isn't just the obvious (diapers, formula, baby clothes, kid clothes, tuition, etc.). It's the other stuff, too.

First example of cost savings: On Friday, I saw my neighbor outside. This is the one with the enormous jungle gym and two kids who don't play on it. We had an altercation last May because she had the monstrosity placed less than two feet away from our property line. She refused to have it moved because, says she "technically, it's on my land!" I just want a peaceful existence, so I didn't fight it any further. Anyhow, we do talk to each other when we see each other, and I stopped to say hello.

She started to talk with me about how expensive everything is getting. Now this chick is a pseudo single mom ("ex" husband is listed as co-owner of the house even though he never lived there and he definitely continues to be the wallet and babysitter). The kids have the best of everything, and I don't see her sparing too many expenses.

Anyhow, she starts talking about her electric bill. She asked what ours is running. I told her it was about $70. She gasped and said that something must be wrong with her bill then because hers was close to $300! So I said, "well, DH and I don't run our air conditioning a lot....only when it's really humid. Otherwise, we love having the windows open." I said this because I know she runs hers 24/7, and that's probably why the bill was so high. She said, "oh, well, when you have kids, you can't always do that. Sophie is afraid that spiders will get in through the screens." Huh? You mean you'd rather spend $300 so your kid doesn't have imaginary fears about tiny spiders? We live in the north, for god's sake! I wanted to ask her what her excuse was in the winter, because even on the warmer days, her gas meter is going gang busters.

Our utility bills in the winter are also fairly low as we keep the temperature down and just wear layers. We're never uncomfortable. I'm sure, though, if we had kids (especially babies), we'd have to keep the temperatures a lot closer to 70 degrees. Thus, our utility bills would most likely skyrocket. As it is now, we're comfortable, but we also are a little frugal when it comes to stuff like that. ESTIMATED COST SAVINGS PER MONTH FOR US: $230.

Second example of cost savings: Yesterday, DH and I ate breakfast at Panera Bread. I love that place because it is usually a calm oasis inhabited by quiet adults. DH and I are sitting there with our bagels and fruit chatting about what we're going to do for the rest of the day. All of the sudden, a "mother" (I put "mother" in quotes because she sure as hell wasn't much of one) sits nearby with her two brats (and I call them brats because that's how they were behaving). The kids were running around like lunatics. "Mom" totally ignores them. On the table, their food lies getting cold. I can easily guesstimate that each of these meals would be at least $7/piece. They both ate perhaps two bites. That's $14 down the drain! ESTIMATED COST SAVINGS PER BREAKFAST OUT FOR US: $14.

Third example of cost savings: Vacations. I was just browsing the Sunday paper and came upon an ad in the travel section for New York State. The caption on the ad was as follows: "Good thing the third night's free, because your kids weren't about to chip in." That is almost poetic. Parents and the childfree alike might laugh about that, and the real humor is in the truth. Do people realize how much more it costs when you have four people traveling as opposed to two? Granted, you may all share the same room, but the food, admissions to events, airfares, etc. all add up. However, the biggest price is the cost of your sanity. ESTIMATED COST SAVINGS PER VACATION FOR US: ???? But I know it's priceless.